なにしよっかなあ THIS BORES ME !!

I seem to really like the situation of being "on the way". These days I'm thinking about how to advance the relationships to the next step, beautifully. I've been doing it since I was around 23 though. Well, I like natural wrinkles ( rumples? ) of cloths, for instance, bed linen and the thigh-part of trousers etc. I get attracted when I see pretty rumples and start thinking how they are being made. The way something flat at first is randomly getting irregular...is really ever-changing and exciting! I like a person who makes me think of him. But I also know it could happen only if I want to. It's not unilateral at all. "Intimacy" means a lot for me. It gives me a lust to long to be close. Lust also helps me to be closer to him. I feel my heart beating a lot these days...

Tonight I dare to talk my secret. I have a depression right under the top of head. I don't know when I noticed it. Since I have no memories that I hit my head against anything, I got it from birth, I think. Sometimes, I'm not sure when it would be even by myself, I really feel like touching it and touch it. The longer I keep touching it, the more I want to keep doing it. Also I start feeling so good with the part being touched. I don't like anyone close beind me but if the person is special enough to me, that is not the case. And if the person touches the part and keeps doing it for a while...the very thought of it makes me out of it.                 ++++++++ Today my secretary told me about her dating with a stable keeper. She went to his workplace and touched some of his horses. It seems that they really like being touched and that they starts sinking flabbily with joy if they feel comfortable about the person. Now I can't stay awake b...

There used to be a CD and record shop called 'Wave' on the second floor of Big Step in Ame-mura ( which is a small and gocha-gocha commercial area for young people located in the middle of Osaka ). And I often went there just to walk around looking for something new or interesting. That was around '93 when I was 14 years old. I found an compilation album by él record.                 ÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷ It was a surely "breathless" moment when I first listened to "Breathless". As is often the case with me about Momus' song, I barely understood the meaning of the song. I felt dizzy then, I didn't know why. Maybe because of summer's heat and humidity. I looked over the booklet sweating and found his picture. I couldn't get any information about him but the image which made me feel somewhat strange. I never imagined feeling ( kind of ) the same later, which is now. Probably it's because of the humidity due to the laundry hanged indoors. Now I...

What I don't like is ---the feminine gender which is trying to be special by saying stupid things about itself ---the masculine gender which utilizes the stupidity for its own benefit ---the country which allow them to thrive ---the world which includes it and myself ---which is trying to be a different being by expressing its hatred towards them.                                                 ＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊ In his presence, I feel there's nothing I can do, whether I like it or not. I'm so insignificant. Thus he's killing me softly and warmly but definitely. I suppose, that's the very reason I like him.