なにしよっかなあ THIS BORES ME !!

        I don't know why but it has been decided to share a flat in Berlin with some people. The members seem to be some of my friend's friends. Strangely, they are all around 20-year-old boys/men. I haven't started a life there yet but I'm wondering how it would be like. I feel kinda excited but at the same time I feel insecure. And I haven't met anyone of them. The most surprising thing is it seems that Momus lives nearby.                 ********         I seem to have been having a strange dream while watching TV. And I saw the clock showing 7 o'clock. I've already got ready in the morning to see you tonight. I wanna be loved all night long. It's 7 o'clock in Tokyo.         The restaurant which we were going to meet at was not there anylonger. Maybe I'm dying because I'm so hungry. I want to see you right now.                  *...

I had a dream last night. In that dream, I'm afraid that I had a love affair with Momus. I seem to have a crush on him and feel uneasy because he's Casanova! One of the female co-workers showed me the messages she got from her boyfriend. As I read them, I figured out the man she recognized as her boyfriend was Momus. As soon as I got shocked, I woke up.                  ♥️♥️♥️♥️ Apparently I want to see him. I know him in 1990s and I'm reading his diary when he was 19. And now I can see how he's living his life almost like live streaming. Maybe that's why I feel close to him and feel as if I could see him actually.                 ♥️♥️♥️♥️ Anyway, I was happy to be ( one of ) his girlfriends even if it lasted for only one night.

I was thinking about you while the young man was talking about his exes.  According to him , he liked a girl who had a boyfiend and had a sex with her. Also there was another girl who liked him and they had a relationship for a while because the girl wanted it even if he liked the other. But recently the girl finally left him. He claimed the season might have been talking too much bullshit to her. He always compared the girl with the other about many things and stupidly he told them to her... I feel sorry for him because he said he couldn't have kept it as his monologue. But i think he is stupid enough and too proud of himself. I want to say this again. No girls like being compared with any others. For me , even being compared with the most beautiful woman all over the world feels so disgusting!  Having said that , i found myself thinking of you in front of him. But i'm sure that there's a difference between women and men about how they compare their lov...

I know there are many words like "confused and confusing" , "bored and boring" and "tired and tiring" etc...and i think i can use them correctly. However , as for "complicated and complicating" , i'm confused. Both of the translated words in Japanese could be "fuku-zatsu-na" ( "na" is the general form of a suffix for an adjective ) .  The things which make people feel complicated are complicating , don't they ? But also complicated things can make people's mind or feeling complicated , and it means they're complicating to them , doesn't it ? Probably i'm thinking about it too much.  But if i start thinking about the song " complicated " of Momus , i'm getting so complicated... Over the room you are my puzzling creature Through the smoke of the room My dark and delicate creature The sensuous way that your hair Curves round the cusp of your ear ...

I am too obsessed with cleanliness and I know it's because of my parents, especially my father. After he worked for one or two years as a cock in a French restaurant in Osaka, he took over his father's business which was outdoor work. So he took off his clothes except his underpants every day after work before he went into the house. And I grew up with such a strange custom. I never took off my clothes outdoor though... Even when I am about to have a romantic moment with someone, I'm concerned about if the bed linen is clean or if he washed his hands before. And I also don't want him to be close to me if I didn't take a shower right before it. I don't want to smell or taste bad. I thought it was my obsession with cleanliness but a psychological test in a magazine let me know that it could be because of my rationality. According to it, it seems that I'm too proud to show my weak side. I kind of agree that. But I also noticed that I didn't trust hi...

'The Philosophy Of Momus' was one of my favorite albums in my youth. I remember that I got shocked by reading the translated lyrics in Japanese. By then I'd already known that his lyrics were difficult for me to introduce to my mother and friends, though. And these days I'm listening to it again. I guess I'm enjoying what he sings more this time. I generally love his voice, melody and rhythm. They calm my nerves. But also excite, confuse and sway me a lot. And something unbalanced ( maybe I should say it's balanced because they go well together ) really attracts me. It seems that he has everything that attracts me. Lately I sometimes have a delusion that I see him in my real life. He will take me around, show me around and teach me many difficult things just like his music. He will shock me, destroy me and comfort me just like his voice. And he will leave me at ease, just as the last tune 'Paranoid Acoustic Seduction Machine' does now.

I seem to really like the situation of being "on the way". These days I'm thinking about how to advance the relationships to the next step, beautifully. I've been doing it since I was around 23 though. Well, I like natural wrinkles ( rumples? ) of cloths, for instance, bed linen and the thigh-part of trousers etc. I get attracted when I see pretty rumples and start thinking how they are being made. The way something flat at first is randomly getting irregular...is really ever-changing and exciting! I like a person who makes me think of him. But I also know it could happen only if I want to. It's not unilateral at all. "Intimacy" means a lot for me. It gives me a lust to long to be close. Lust also helps me to be closer to him. I feel my heart beating a lot these days...

Tonight I dare to talk my secret. I have a depression right under the top of head. I don't know when I noticed it. Since I have no memories that I hit my head against anything, I got it from birth, I think. Sometimes, I'm not sure when it would be even by myself, I really feel like touching it and touch it. The longer I keep touching it, the more I want to keep doing it. Also I start feeling so good with the part being touched. I don't like anyone close beind me but if the person is special enough to me, that is not the case. And if the person touches the part and keeps doing it for a while...the very thought of it makes me out of it.                 ++++++++ Today my secretary told me about her dating with a stable keeper. She went to his workplace and touched some of his horses. It seems that they really like being touched and that they starts sinking flabbily with joy if they feel comfortable about the person. Now I can't stay awake b...

There used to be a CD and record shop called 'Wave' on the second floor of Big Step in Ame-mura ( which is a small and gocha-gocha commercial area for young people located in the middle of Osaka ). And I often went there just to walk around looking for something new or interesting. That was around '93 when I was 14 years old. I found an compilation album by él record.                 ÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷ It was a surely "breathless" moment when I first listened to "Breathless". As is often the case with me about Momus' song, I barely understood the meaning of the song. I felt dizzy then, I didn't know why. Maybe because of summer's heat and humidity. I looked over the booklet sweating and found his picture. I couldn't get any information about him but the image which made me feel somewhat strange. I never imagined feeling ( kind of ) the same later, which is now. Probably it's because of the humidity due to the laundry hanged indoors. Now I...

What I don't like is ---the feminine gender which is trying to be special by saying stupid things about itself ---the masculine gender which utilizes the stupidity for its own benefit ---the country which allow them to thrive ---the world which includes it and myself ---which is trying to be a different being by expressing its hatred towards them.                                                 ＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊ In his presence, I feel there's nothing I can do, whether I like it or not. I'm so insignificant. Thus he's killing me softly and warmly but definitely. I suppose, that's the very reason I like him.

I get many feelings mixed with strong emotion when I listen to some of Momus' songs. I'd like to express them held in the middle of my gall bladder because I really need to let them out today. ❤︎The Cheque's In The Post [from the album " The Ultraconformist "]         When I was a junior-high student, I listened to this song for the first time. Though I neither read the lyrics nor understood them but it sounded heartrending to me at that time and it's been one of my favorites. Last year, after I found him on the internet and I knew he lived in Osaka, I timidly started following him...like listening to his music again and searching for his information on the internet etc...I found his youtube channel and saw some movies which seemed to have been made by himself. One of them was the music video of this song. He on it looked very sexy and I got surprised. I saw him holding a calculator ( first I thought it was a tape recorder or a musical instrument. ). And ...

I noticed it today. I'm just lonely, always lonely even if I'm with someone literally. I've been wanting to be a person whom someone wants to be with even if he doesn't need her. And also I want to find someone that I can feel the same about. But I really feel happy to be with someone who is not close in relationship yet. Something newish makes my heart beat and makes me feel refreshed just like music always does. This contradiction has been making things hard for me.                 ＊＊＊＊ Today I went out for lunch with one of my coworkers. He's much younger than me and I never saw him as a man. But I felt my heart beating because I felt so happy about walking and talking with him...He's leaving the lab soon because he graduates from the graduate school this March and maybe it also makes it special to me. And the moist breeze was great while we were walking among the trees.                 ＊＊＊＊ ...

As I said before, I don't like "ojisan" which means old men in Japanese. I mean the men who are older than me and have ugliness. ( I know I'm also getting old and maybe smell bad. ) I don't like Arākī which is a Japanese old photograher famous for eccentricity and pornography. It's obvious that he loves Japanese women and has a fat waist and a nasty face. But I seem to have had  some misconceptions after I finished reading one of his books about himself. At least he's kept doing what he wants to do in his moral principles. He's thought to be a genius or an eccentric person but he's just expressing normal things in his way and he kinda wants to hide his normality but also wants to show it. Probably that's because he's confident enough now. In that sense, he's just a nasty old man. If there's a difference between him and many other old Japanese men, it would be how many people he knows. I generally don't like ojisan, but I...

I want to read the original if I want to read a non-Japanese book. I don't want anyone else's interpretation. But unfortunately I'm neither an English speaker nor a French speaker. I can try to understand foreign books with dictionaries but I don't think I can read between the lines. I'm probably too nervous about whether I can understand it or not. I still enjoy the lyrics of non-Japanese songs. But as to literary works, it would be more difficult. I'm trying to read some of Momus' works. One of them seems to be a diary in his youth. I thought it would be easier but it's not. I think the reason is that it was written in a unconventional way, I mean, it's like a daily conversation inside himself. And I recently got to know that a diary could be a genre of literature. It's called "a journal". I thought that a journal was only meant to be scholarly. Return to young Momus' diary, it has the number "1979". It means he ...

I was taught to discriminate according to where people came from, especially about other East-Asians like the Korean and the Chinese. People around me told me the things they'd also been told. For a child, the environtent is everything. It's difficult for a child to deny it. But I gradually am realizing that things were not always right, as I get older. There's nothing that is perfectly right. Whether it is right or not depends on which angle it is seen at or who sees it. The right thing to someone could be wrong to another person. I think, even if it is a fact, once it is written or spoken by someone, it's already his opinion.                 ＊＊＊＊ Here're two feelings I got recently after I visited Seoul. a. There're limits to how much we can know, in many ways. The people who know something maybe don't tell anything to anybody or they're just dying. Or the mass media is always trying to emphasise what they want to show and hide what they...

                I stayed in Seoul for about a week. I was thinking I wouldn't love it but I was a little wrong. People over there are kind of rude---for instance, talking loud on the phone on a train or a bus, spitting on the streets ( I saw only men doing that ), and saying nothing when passing each other very closely like getting off and on a train. Of course not all of them do that and also some Japanese do that. I didn't talk to so many people there but I generally had good feelings about them. Because they smiled at me and tried to talk to me.                         ＊＊＊＊                 Generally I have prejudices about many things. If I see a poster on a street or read a blog article, I just start thinking about how it was made and how a person thought when he made it. Even though I don't try to know it, I feel like that I understoo...